The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

The Good
The good news is after being on my upped does of medication (tegretol 400mg 2xs a day) I am thrilled to say I have been 90% pain free or just very, very low pain days for the past 7 days.  It is amazing!!!  I can't even begin to explain what it feels like to wake up in the morning and feel awesome, go all through my day  feeling awesome, and then going to bed feeling just as awesome!  For lack of a better word it is AWESOME.  I forgot how nice this is.  Nice is an understatement.  I feel positive and ready to conquer the world.  I have more skip in my step and feel like I can do so much more in my day.  I am still trying not to over do it because Dr. D said to watch my activity levels on "Good Days".  I have a tendency to over do it and then pay for it with a really, really bad day after, and day after that, and so on.  She said I need to ease into my pain free, low pain days.  So I have.  And I keep waking up feeling great.  Although I keep waiting for the bomb to drop and a major migraine or ON attack to show its ugly face.  But so far I have been in the clear.  Prayers that we finally found the reason for my CDH and I can be good from this point forward!

The Bad
I say 90% because I do occasionally get my ON electric shocks, but they are fewer and farther between. I can't tell you the last time I had to take an advil to dull the pain making it possible to last through my day. It's cool right?!  Well, this past weekend I was super duper busy, my son had a doctor's visit to schedule a surgery on a blocked tear duct on Friday and i accidentally missed my morning dose of meds. Saturday all day I was busy making a picture collage to celebrate my sister's 40th birthday that night, so again I forgot my morning dose.  So unfortunately that night I was all out of wack.  This was the first time I truly felt any real deal side effects.  I had nausea, dizziness, and all over spacey-ness.  It was just plain weird.  I didn't feel myself at all.  It was my sister's 40th birthday party and I was so excited for her and I wanted to be there for her more then anything.  So I pushed through it and had a nice time.  But I really wanted to have a crazy great time!  Truthfully I would have rather been in my bed.  How much does that suck.  So now I know never to do that again.  I will not only be the girl with the morning and night time 7 day pill boxes.  But I will also never go anywhere without a spare dosage incase that ever happens to me again.

The Ugly
Just a few months ago I went on the South Beach Diet to finally drop the rest of my pregnancy weight- probably some of it left over even from my first to be real honest! lol.  I did it and really felt good about myself on the outside again.  No more tummy, my face was thin, it was like the old days and I was sooooooo proud of myself.  17 pounds gone, down 2 pants sizes and almost down one more. Now meet my lovely little Tegretol.  When I started my meds I was thinking "Now I am skinny and pain free!  Rock on!!!"  I am crazy thrilled to be pain free- or at least pretty darn close.  It feels incredible.  BUT (there always has to be a "but" doesn't there...) I am also noticing another side effect.  The worst in my opinion.  The dreaded weight gain.  UGHHHHHH.

I just worked so, super hard to get those 17 pounds off and now I am slowly seeing them creep back on. What good is it to be pain free if I feel like shit on the outside?  I feel fat, self conscience, and just so, so disappointed.  It sucks.  I am definitely bringing this up with Dr. D when I see her in a few weeks.  I have read how some never notice any sort of weight gain while other people gain something like 40 pounds on these kinds of meds.  Of course the only side effect I am noticing is the shittiest one.  So. Not. Fair.  I don't care if I sound vain.  I don't want to take a pill that makes me fat.

Even if it takes my headaches away.